When Loving, Love Fiercely
Love is not passivity. It is action.
"Love is an action, never simply a feeling." — bell hooks
“I love you.”
Words said so often,
their edges can grow smooth with use,
their meaning,
thin.
A greeting.
A sign-off.
A reflex.
But real love,
the kind that builds worlds,
the kind that heals wounds,
the kind that truly sustains—
that love is not soft.
It is not passive.
It is not always easy.
It is a promise.
A commitment.
A fierce and active force.
Love Is Kinetic
True love cannot be still.
It is kinetic.
It demands movement.
It requires courage.
It sometimes asks for sacrifice.
It calls forth the best in us,
asking for our full presence,
our unwavering commitment.
We cannot let this powerful force
be dulled by inaction,
by empty words.
Because love without action,
love without the doing—
is not truly love at all.
It's just a sentiment.
This is the hard, beautiful truth.
If we say we love our partners,
but do not fiercely create a space
for their vulnerability,
or share the daily burdens,
or listen to their perspective—
that is not love.
If we say we love our children,
but do not fiercely guide them with tenderness,
or teach them resilience through our own example,
or offer our undivided presence when they speak—
that is not love.
If we say we love our community, our world,
but do not fiercely stand for justice,
or help those who need help,
or use our voice for those who have none—
that is not love.
If we say we love truth,
but choose silence while lies are told—
that is not love.
The Fierceness of Real Love
Loving fiercely is not about aggression.
It is not about control.
It is about a deep,
unwavering,
active commitment.
It is the fierce defense of what is sacred—
a child’s growth,
a partner’s trust,
a community’s well-being.
It is the fierce courage to be honest,
to have difficult conversations
wrapped in care and kindness,
because you are more committed
to empowering others to be their best selves
than to temporary comfort.
It is the fierce dedication to show up,
day after day,
to do the work—
the unglamorous,
unseen work
of mending,
of listening,
of supporting.
And sometimes,
most importantly,
it is the fierce wisdom to step aside.
To be the supporter,
not the savior.
To trust others with their own path,
to be the cheerleader for their journey,
protecting their agency.
This, too, is love.
A profound, empowering love.
It is the fierce choice
to not just be a bystander.
To live with integrity,
to act on your values,
by loving deeply and completely.
A Note on Grace
Now, let's pause.
And be honest with ourselves.
Reading this,
it can feel like an impossibly high standard.
And in a way, it is.
We will fall short of this ideal.
I know I do. Every single day.
We are human.
We get tired.
We make mistakes.
We are imperfect.
But the point of fierce love
is not perfect, flawless execution.
The point is the trying.
The fierceness is in the commitment
to keep practicing.
To notice when we fail,
and to choose,
with grace and humility,
to try again.
To mend what we've broken.
To show up tomorrow,
and love a little more fiercely,
a little more actively, than we did today.
The fierceness is in the return,
not just the attempt.
Try This: An Inventory of Active Love
This week,
the invitation is not a test,
but a gentle observation.
A chance to become aware of
how our love shows up in the world, without judgment.
Choose One Love:
Think of someone or something you truly love—
a partner, a child, a friend, a community, a principle like "justice."Look for the Action (with Grace):
Quietly ask yourself: How did my love for this person or principle show up in my actions this past week? Where was it kinetic? Where was it fierce? And where did I fall short, and how can I offer myself a little grace for that?Find One Opportunity:
Looking ahead, what is one small, concrete way you can practice expressing this love?
(Maybe it’s taking on a task. Maybe it's initiating a needed conversation. Maybe it's consciously stepping back to let someone find their own way. Maybe it's just 5 minutes of fully present listening.)Notice the Feeling:
When you act from this place of fierce, active love, notice how it feels. Often, in the giving, in the doing, we find a sense of purpose and contentment that passive feeling alone can never provide.
The Promise in the Practice
When we choose to love fiercely,
in all its beautifully imperfect forms,
we infuse those three simple words,
"I love you,"
with their true meaning.
They stop being a reflex.
They become a vow.
A declaration of intent.
A promise of practice.
They become the beginning of the work,
the start of the return,
not the end of the thought.
And that,
that is a love that can truly change us,
and the world around us.
For the better.
One imperfect,
courageous,
fierce attempt at a time.