“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” —Samuel Johnson
The Script
I used to believe masculinity was simple. That there was a right way to be a man. That if I followed the script—worked hard, provided, led without hesitation—I’d feel whole.
But the further I went, the more I realized:
The script didn’t fit.
And I know I’m not alone.
Men today are caught between two conflicting narratives:
1. The old model—be strong, be self-reliant, push through, never show weakness.
2. The new model—reject everything, start over, embrace something undefined.
One tells us to conquer and control. The other tells us to tear it all down.
Neither gives us direction.
So we’re left with questions. What does it mean to be a man today? What does real strength even look like?
And if the old map no longer works… what do we follow instead?
The Myth of the Universal Man
For centuries, masculinity was sold as one-size-fits-all.
The warrior. The provider. The leader.
Be this. Embody this ideal. Follow the rules. Don’t ask questions.
But history tells a different story.
Across cultures and generations, masculinity has never been one thing.
Among the Maasai, strength was measured in endurance and the ability to protect the tribe.
In ancient Japan, the samurai balanced martial skill with art and philosophy.
Indigenous cultures across the Americas valued masculinity as stewardship—of land, family, and wisdom.
The definition of manhood has always shifted.
Yet today, we act like there’s one “right” way to be a man.
And if you don’t fit the mold? You’re either failing, or you’re lost.
The Modern Masculinity Trap
We were promised that if we just worked harder, pushed through, and kept our emotions buried, we’d feel fulfilled.
But look around.
Men are lonelier than ever. More disconnected. More anxious. More uncertain.
The statistics don’t lie:
• 15% of men report having no close friends—a 12% increase since 1990.
• Men account for nearly 80% of all suicides in the U.S.
• 81% of lonely adults struggle with anxiety or depression.
These aren’t just numbers. They’re warnings.
We were given a map.
But the map leads nowhere.
If the old map leads nowhere, and the new model offers no clear path, then what does that leave us with? A blank slate? Or an opportunity to build something better?
A New Direction
This isn’t about abandoning masculinity. Abandonment loses the rich history of manhood that we can learn from. The lessons the ancients have learned. Forgetting the mistakes they have made.
No, it’s about reshaping it.
Not into a rigid blueprint. Not into another set of rules. But into a practice. A mindset. A way of being that actually works—for us, for the people we love, for the world we’re shaping.
A way of being that isn’t about control, but understanding.
Not about power, but presence.
Not about conquering, but building.
Because masculinity isn’t something you prove.
It’s something you live.
So What’s Next?
Take a moment. Think about the men in your life.
Fathers. Brothers. Mentors. Friends.
The ones you admire.
What makes them strong? Is it their ability to dominate—or is it something deeper? Wisdom, presence, kindness, courage?
And then ask yourself:
What kind of man do you want to be?
This series isn’t here to hand you the answers—it’s here to help you ask better questions.
Because when masculinity works for you, it works for everyone around you, too.
Try This Now: Building a New Definition
For the next 24 hours, pay attention to the men you see around you.
Who embodies the kind of man you admire?
What do they do differently?
Do they lead through control, or through trust?
Do they seek power, or do they build something greater?
Masculinity isn’t a singular mold. It’s a practice. And the more we recognize that, the more we can shape it into something that actually serves us.
Let’s Start the Conversation
I’d love to hear your thoughts:
What’s one belief about masculinity that shaped you—for better or worse?
Drop your thoughts in the comments or reply to this post. Let’s challenge the old script together.
Next time, we’ll take the first step: redefining masculinity on your own terms.
Mitch- Your insight on masculinity never being just one thing stands out. I do wish this is highlighted more everywhere. Thanks for sharing.
I think one of the major issues with our understanding of the script is we see it in isolation as if it was some kind of universal truth and way of being. Humans have always been more complex than that. For most of history we can only guess because we have limited documentation and what we have may have been documented likely was presenting idealized ideas. Masculinity is also a projection. How we want to be seen not who we are. People were much more private and had strong social codes dictating public behavior in many time periods so what happened in private was likely very different but not documented.
Another major issue is if this script was considered a universal ideal, which is in question, it was an ideal not the lived reality of most people. Many young men in the modern era have internalized this to be that if you aren't the elite you are nothing which is silly. I think of the joust scene from the movie A Knights Tale. There are hundreds of men and extras in the scene. The one who most aligns with the ideal is the villain. Most of the other men would probably want what he has but I don't think very many would want to be him. They do however live a variety of realities as men happily and succesfully without being either the hero or villain. You can take almost any kind of sequence like that in film. Commodus in Gladiator another example.
My point is we need bring those other realities back into the discussion and build a much broader range of acceptable experience. Many of which may be much more comfortable and personally satisfying than the hero or villain.