Weekly Reset: Answering Why with How
How to turn helplessness into action
“Why me?”
A timeless phrase.
A human cry.
Said in times of frustration.
Sadness.
Grief.
Rage.
Yet often, this very question—
“Why?”—
prevents us from finding the answer,
the relief,
the path forward we desperately seek.
The Question of "Why?"
The asking of “Why?” often comes from the soul’s ache.
A deep place.
But it's frequently based in fear.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of pain.
Fear of randomness.
It can become a plea of helplessness.
A surrender to circumstance.
Is the feeling valid?
Always.
Our pain deserves witness.
But is the question,
asked in isolation, helpful?
Often?
No.
It loops.
It spirals.
It keeps us stuck in the past,
in the pain,
in the feeling of being wronged by life,
by fate,
by something.
The Power of "How?"
Instead of only asking “Why?”
What if we also asked, “How?”
“How?” shifts the focus.
“How?” returns agency.
“How?” empowers us.
“How do I navigate this?”
“How do I learn from this?”
“How do I live through this moment?”
“How do I use this experience, even this pain, to help others someday?”
This shift to 'How?' doesn't erase the hardship.
It doesn't mean you don't need grit or resilience.
Instead, it channels that strength.
It focuses your endurance
on navigating the path forward,
rather than just bracing against the storm.
“How?” is a razor.
Cutting through the fog of rumination.
A question demanding focus.
Action.
Presence.
It gives agency.
Freedom.
Release.
It offers an opportunity to take the built-up energy—
the frustration,
the grief,
the confusion—
this raw store of emotion,
and pour it into something constructive.
Something we can do.
Now.
To improve our lives, or the lives of others.
“How?” brings us from
the haunting past
or the anxious future into the present.
Into this moment.
The only point in time where our actions truly matter.
The only place change can begin.
“How?” invites us, and sometimes others, in with grace.
It opens doors to guidance.
To learning.
To connection.
To shared strength.
“Why?” without the “How?”
can leave us feeling only more empty.
More lost.
“Why?” can be the raw cry of the soul.
“How?” can be wisdom’s gentle, guiding answer.
Try This
The next time you feel yourself caught in the loop of "Why?":
Pause.
Breathe.
Acknowledge the feeling clearly—
see it for what it is—
to understand its grip before you respond.
Let your body feel that tension.
That rise of fear.
That wave of helplessness.
Then ask yourself gently,
kindly,
lovingly:
“How do I want to be in this moment?”
“How can I acknowledge what I'm feeling and still focus on what needs doing right now?”
“How might I learn from this, and how could this eventually help me connect with or support others?”
Notice the shift.
Even a small one.
From feeling overwhelmed to finding agency.
From stuck to possibility.
From Question to Action
The word "How"…
it’s powerful, if used wisely.
It doesn’t erase the pain of the "Why?".
It doesn’t invalidate the struggle.
Not at all.
Instead, it offers a different door.
A way to walk with the pain,
rather than being consumed by it.
It transforms the question
from a lament into a starting point.
A starting point for presence.
For action.
For meaning-making.
For becoming the person
who can navigate the storm, not just curse the rain.
It’s the beginning of finding your agency again,
even when the chapter is difficult.
It’s how we move from being adrift
to finding our way.
Moment by moment.
Choice by choice.
How by how.