Beyond the Blueprint: A Practice
How Responsibility, Presence, and Growth Forge a New Path for Men
"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." - Epictetus
I started asking myself different questions.
Not because I suddenly had the answers,
but because the old ones stopped working.
For generations, men were given a blueprint:
Be strong. Be successful. Be in control.
Follow the script, and everything else will follow.
But it doesn't.
I found myself, like many men, holding the pieces of a plan that didn't add up.
And then it hit me—
What if masculinity isn't something we define,
but something we live?
What if we've spent too long asking, "Am I man enough?"
and not enough time asking:
"What kind of man do I want to become?"
Masculinity isn't fixed.
It never was.
It moves.
It shifts.
It grows.
And if we accept that—if we let go of rigid labels—then maybe we can finally embrace something real.
A Different Way: Three Practices
Instead of the old script of dominance and emotional suppression, I see three practices that build true strength:
Responsibility.
Presence.
Growth.
Not just "male" virtues, but human ones.
Yet, for men navigating the collapse of old scripts, perhaps they hold special weight—a way to measure ourselves by integrity, connection, and humility,
instead of just power and control. The start of a path forward of finding meaning.
Not through the collection of power.
But through the power of focusing on the collective.
Responsibility isn't about control – it's about ownership.
It's recognizing your impact – on your family, your work, yourself –
and choosing your response intentionally.
Do you admit your mistakes clearly and quickly,
or do you pass the blame?
Do you honor your commitments, showing up when you say you will,
or do they crumble when they're no longer convenient?
Responsibility doesn't demand respect—it quietly earns it through consistency.
Presence isn't about showmanship – it's about showing up.
Really. Showing. Up.
Are you truly listening when someone speaks, or are you already formulating your response?
Are you fully engaged in the moment, or are you distracted by your phone?
Do you listen fully, putting the phone away, tuning in—
or just wait your turn to speak?
Do you fully live the moments you're given, the mundane and the profound,
or are you constantly somewhere else?
Presence isn't automatic—it's a skill cultivated through practice.
And Growth?
It's not just accepting that you don't know everything –
it's the willingness to say, "I don't know yet," and then actively seek understanding.
It's humility in action.
It's embracing the discomfort of stepping beyond what's familiar,
so you can become someone better tomorrow than you are today.
It's seeing failures not as losses, but as lessons etched onto your map.
The Path is Practice
So maybe we've been chasing the wrong question all along.
Maybe it's not, "What makes a man?"
Maybe it's, "How am I living?"
Am I responsible in my actions?
Am I present in my relationships?
Am I committed to growth?
When masculinity stops being a test to pass
and starts being a practice to embody, it frees us.
It frees us from the isolation of the stoic facade, allowing for genuine connection.
It frees us from the burden of needing to control everything, fostering true partnership.
It frees us from the pressure to prove our worth, allowing for authentic self-acceptance.
And yes—letting go of the old script might feel uncomfortable.
But growth always does.
Because true strength isn't rigid,
it's adaptable. Resilient.
True leadership isn't controlling,
it's supportive. It guides, empowers, serves.
True ambition isn't selfish,
it's purposeful. Aimed at building something meaningful.
I'm not writing this to tell you what masculinity should be. I'm here to ask the questions we've been avoiding, together:
What does it truly mean to live with integrity?
What does genuine presence look like in your life?
What kind of growth will fulfill you and uplift those around us?
If those questions resonate with you—whether you're skeptical, uncertain, or curious—I hope you'll join me.
I’d love to hear from you:
Which of these practices—Responsibility, Presence, Growth—resonates most deeply with you right now? Where do you feel the pull to focus?
Let's explore together.